Walking towards your calling

Your calling is “phoning” you. What do you do? Do you pick it up or ignore it?

Let me go first: For years on end, I chose the latter. In fact, I would storm out of the room to drown out its persistent ringing. Until I was confronted with a loss and I had to face it head-on...

It was April 2016, three months after my dad's passing. I fluttered my eyes open after my usual bouts of disrupted sleep. I stared at the ceiling, anticipating another day of the same hollow sensation in my stomach and the same tightness in my throat. You see, I couldn't bear to be in my own grieving body.

No sooner had I pulled the covers over my head than I heard the door creak open. My mum shuffled into the room, wading through a mound of napkins, and huddled up on the edge of the bed.

I met her broken smile and cupped her hand in mine.

“You good?” I asked, fully aware of how futile my question seemed.

“Let's sort out your drawers today, shall we?”

I didn't respond immediately. Instead, I reached for my notepad and pen on the bedside table and added another tally mark to the number of times she had uttered the same phrase.

“64.” I said, exhaling heavily. My mum has always been a clean freak, but her obsession with domestic duties saw a flare up after we've lost Dad. Perhaps, it was her way of coping with grief.

“That'll be the last. Come on, it's about time.”

When tragedy strikes, it fractures the heart into countless splintering shards. Yet, under the wreckage, your buried and dormant calling surfaces, slowly knitting everything back together.

With a groan, I rolled out of bed and joined her in the decluttering efforts.

“Do you need this?” she whined, holding up a pair of reindeer-embroidered socks. Before I could even blink or nod, she tossed them out.

“What about this?”

“Let me see...” As soon as she handed me the blue dossier, a wave of emotions washed over me. I quickly flipped through its pages, feeling tears welling up in my eyes.

My mind catapulted back to 2006, a time when I plucked up the courage to stand before my extended family and announced my aspiration to become a writer. Of course, I was met with frowns.

“And what will you eat? Books? Do something that brings the cash!” my uncle jeered, his laughter reverberating through the room.

From that moment on, I folded into myself, stifling my passion. Even if I sporadically tried to put pen to paper and transpose my thoughts into words, I was just tunnelling and tunnelling without stationing a single syllable. Sadly, I felt into the trap, my uncle's comment imprisoned voice. Without having my calling as a beacon to guide me through, my life fell flat. I sold myself short, accepting my limits and other people’s expectations of me. I was having a Pygmalion moment in how opinions of others seep into our own beliefs and shape our reality, ultimately influencing the outcomes we experience.

My revelation as a budding writer eventually led me to 2016, the year I was meant to begin university but instead found myself grappling with emotional baggage and declining mental health. Adjusting to life without a loved one is no small feat.

As I grew older, I felt increasingly adrift, as if I had missed the train I was meant to board. Yet, the dossier containing fragments of my first novel proved me wrong. Each creased sheet of paper was a vital thread in the tapestry of my identity, guiding me toward my calling and defining who I am.

Merriam-Webster's definition of a “calling” is:

“a strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action especially when accompanied by conviction of divine influence.”

Was it my late father who orchestrated the appearance of the dossier before me on that fateful day? I can't say for certain. For those sceptical of celestial intervention or sentimental musings, though, let's consider the scientific perspective on the matter.

Insights into discovering Your calling: research findings

Survey allocated its participants in three groups: those who listened to their heart and pursued their calling or passion; those who didn't have a calling; and those who had one but never acted on it. Amongst the three categories, researchers concluded that:

“having a calling is only a benefit if it is met, but can be a detriment when it is not as compared to having no calling at all.”

Leaving your calling unanswered for too long can be detrimental. However, it's crucial to distinguish between an obsessive calling, where your self-worth is solely dependent, and a balanced one. Psychologist Robert Vallerand suggests that an obsessive calling can negatively impact work performance and mood, leading to issues like anxiety and low self-esteem. It often results in battling perfectionism and analysis paralysis.

How did I avoid falling prey to an obsessive calling? By taking action and dialling it down.

When you discover your calling...

When you discover your calling, life gains meaning. It's not rocket science or quantum physics—it's as simple as saying, “I want to live life on my terms.”

The weight of peer pressure and expectations dissipates. You're no longer bound to conform to others' paths. Instantly, stress levels plummet. Why wouldn't they? We all develop and thrive at different rates, but imagine finally knowing your purpose!

The anxiety of not knowing your life's direction fades away. Finding your purpose brings peace of mind and clarity. Embracing your role and purpose ignites motivation, propelling you towards a meaningful life.

I’m glad I took the time to find my calling. Had I saddled myself with other's opinion, I would probably never have scouted out my purpose. If that sounds too outlandish, I assure you that there was no epiphany or defining anchor for me. Rather, it was a gradual transition into the life I strived to lead. Finding your calling ready-made is a fool's wish; it requires plenty of soul-digging, introspection, and a reconnection with your roots.

Where to discover your calling: The Ikigai framework

Each and every one of us has an individual route to take in our life maps: a talent, an itch that’s got to be scratched. Focus on the simple building blocks that encompass and define your life's mission. While they may seem mundane compared to lofty concepts like Passion and Mission, they hold the key to answering life's big questions.

So, if you want to receive answers to your mighty questions, such as “what's my purpose?” or “what is the point of life,” start with something as small as an interest of yours! (In place of the word task, add your own interest).

1. Intrigue — What intrigues you?

2. Enjoyment — Do you reap any enjoyment out of that task, or are you doing it due to societal pressure and/or for its monetary value?

3. Competence — How capable are you of carrying out the task?

4. Energy Levels — Are you likely to feel more energised after doing it?

5. Contribution — Does it fully contribute to your personal fulfilment and professional growth?

The elements described above constitute what's known as Ikigai, a Japanese concept meaning 'reason for being.' If you've ever felt stuck or lost, compelled to make unsatisfactory life or career choices, or sensed the need for a change, Ikigai can serve as a reliable and purposeful guide toward finding your true path.

If my mum hadn't unearthed that dossier to remind me of my calling, I'd still be lost in meaningless activities, squandering energy that I could be harnessing for something that makes me what to get out of bed in the morning. Two academic degrees and a move to London later, I've unravelled my WHY.

When you know your Ikigai, your ambitions become laser-focused, driving you to align action with your life vision and true calling, leading you toward ideal destination. When you know your Ikigai, you know your goals (personal and/or professional), as you know what would scream MEANING IN LIFE louder than anything else.